Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
