You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
