theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize