well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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