we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
