just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
