Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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