My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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