The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
