I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
