so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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