I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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