When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
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