okay pat passed out under dana's car
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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