I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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