I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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