I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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