Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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