holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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