we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
