I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Randomize
