I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
