So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
