I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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