My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
