So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
