he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
