i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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