if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm just crazy horny about you
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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