just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
