I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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