Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
