Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
