I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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