Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
it was like eating out sand paper
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
