So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
