Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
