So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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