Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
