i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
