Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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