The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
