honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
