so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
