seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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