So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize