yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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