just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
