Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
