Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
