i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize