Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
