my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
