this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
