you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
