He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
