Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize