I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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