obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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