we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
