you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
