Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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