Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
