Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
