Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize