There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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