i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
