It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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