I just made out with a guy for $7.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
