I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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