Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
