there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
