Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My breasts were aching with rage.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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