But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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