New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
