she was so not down for the gang bang
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
