Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
