She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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