After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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