Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Vodka?
Forever.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
