I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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