My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
