Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
