Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
