My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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