we have pet lesbian snakes
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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