Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
