Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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