Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
