I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
