Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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